What If
by InuGhost2.0
Summary: A series of one shots answering 'What if...'questions. See things like: 00Abby, McGee the evil genius, Gibbs the Disco Dancer, and Tony the genius.
1. NCIS was followed by a video crew

**What If **

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own anything that appears in this, but that will all change when my army of chipmunks manages to conquer the world with their plastic sporks!**

**A/N: Each chapter is its own one shot and they serve to answer the 'What if…' questions. Hopefully you'll enjoy these as much as I enjoyed coming up with them. The artwork is from stuff previously displayed in Abby's lab, well all of it except for the last one.**

_The Team was followed around by a video crew for a day?_

"Director Vance why on Earth did you agree to do this? My team cannot do their jobs if their busy showing off for the camera." A scowl firmly set on his face Gibbs tried to ignore the camera crew that was stationed behind him busy filming.

"Agent Gibbs as you know recruitment has been steadily decreasing over the years. Every government agency is finding it harder and harder to recruit college students. I'm hoping that by showing people what working for NCIS is like that more people will want to join our family. "A twinkle was evident in Director Vance's eyes as he enjoyed the unease Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was feeling. The Director knew how Gibbs preferred to be under no one's power besides his self, and by using the video crew the Director felt he could keep Gibbs under control.

Biting his tongue to prevent the oath from passing his lips Gibbs simply nodded before leaving the office. Gibbs made sure that on his way out he slammed the door extra hard slightly smiling when he heard the sound of broken glass and cursing. Happy that he had destroyed at least one of those infernal cameras Gibbs walked off smiling for a short time before reaching the stairs. Heading down the stairs Gibbs could only grumble and glare at the spectacle his office had become.

Little had changed in the ten minutes Gibbs had been gone. Agent Anthony DiNozzo was still showing off. Though whether it was for the camera itself, the woman operating the camera, or the young women who might be watching could not be discerned. Agent Timothy McGee was no longer at his desk. Likely he had gone to seek refuge in Autopsy since the cameramen were not very interested in watching Ducky dissect bodies while giving his usual long winded explanations. Agent Ziva David was the only one working hard at the moment. Like Gibbs she had little interest in being on camera but she had gone to the trouble of cleaning herself up and applying fresh makeup in order to look better for the camera.

As he neared the bottom of the steps Gibbs decided that there was one way he could ensure his displeasure was known. "…well I personally have solved many of the crimes we have investigated, but truly I couldn't have done it without the help of the others. Though I would be willing to tell you more say over dinner tonight?"

Without missing a step Gibbs brought a hand up and smacked Tony in the back of the head. "Fraternize on your own time DiNozzo unless you want to try and rejoin the police force." Delivered in a growl followed the head slap as Gibbs walked over to his desk grabbing the Caf-Pow sitting on top of it before heading to the elevator.

"Is he always like this?" was heard whispered from the camera woman directed at DiNozzo.

"Actually no, you managed to catch him on a good day since we don't have a case." Ziva's short reply was delivered with an undertone of jealousy as she openly played with the knife she always kept in her desk drawer.

Gibbs had to smile at Ziva's reply and knew the Special Agent would ensure Tony refocused on his work. Getting onto the elevator Gibbs hit the button for Abby's lab. During the short ride down he allowed himself to wonder and worry about how Abby was handling being on camera for a day. It was well known to her and the rest of the team that he cared deeply for her. This was mainly due to Gibbs seeing Abby as a surrogate daughter. If things had turned out differently he would have wanted the two to know each other and hopefully become friends. Finally the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened.

Music could be heard issuing from Abby's lab as per usual, though it strangely sounded louder then it normally would have. It wasn't until a shot rang out that Gibbs started to worry, and if the cameraperson station in Abby's lab wasn't visible Gibbs would have gone running in there. Upon entering the lab Gibbs' was taken aback for a moment by the appearance of the lab.

Abby's paintings were literally all over the place taking up every spare inch of the walls with some leaning against the numerous benches and tables. Music from the band 'Brain Matter' played loudly over her stereo system while photos from some of the more grisly crime scenes they had investigated were up on the computer monitors.

Abby dressed in a lab coat and safety goggles held a smoking gun in her hand. Over and to the right of the big monitor are: 'Shotgun shattered backbone', 'Icepick to the cerebellum', 'Duodenum with a lye chaser' better known as 'Sad end to a Drano drinker'. The last one if from a crime scene set up by a former boyfriend of mine. It would have been more romantic if I didn't have a restraining order against him at the time. He was kind of obsessive and slightly crazy. Though it was still rather tastefully done.

"Ok…um thanks. I think I've got enough footage now." Looking slightly green the cameraman quickly pushed past Gibbs before hastily exiting the lab.

"Was all that really necessary Abbs?" A smile on his face Gibbs handed the Caf-Pow over to the forensic scientist.

"Gibbs thanks! I was actually worried for awhile there that I'd have to shoot the guy to get him to leave me alone. Thankfully he wasn't a big fan of my artwork." Taking a long sip from the beverage Abby headed over to her stereo and turned down the music. "How are the others handling the cameras?"

"Well with the exception of Tony most of them feel the same way about them as you do. Ziva's ignoring them, and McGee's gone to hide down in Autopsy. Hopefully the Director will get the idea soon that we don't want the cameras here." With that said Gibbs started slowly walking around the room admiring Abby's artwork.

It was only a few minutes later when the lab phone rang and Abby answered it. "Hello. Yes Director. They are? Ok, I'll tell Gibbs that." Hanging up the phone Abby turned to face Gibbs with a smile. "That was the Director. The film crew felt they had enough footage and has left the building. Though Director Vance wants to see you in his office, something about paying for a broken camera. Gibbs did you do something?"

Shrugging his shoulders Gibbs could only smile. "I'm not saying what happened, but I will say that it was definitely worth it."

**Well that's it for now. Please review; feel free to give suggestions or ideas. Next time we answer the question of 'What if Abby was deprived of Caf-Pow?' Thank you.**


	2. Abby deprived of CafPow

**Disclaimer: If I actually owned anything that appeared in this then the world would be in deep trouble.**

**A/N: Here is chapter 2, please forgive Abby being OOC, I thought it would be funnier if she acted this way.**

_Abby was deprived of Caf-Pow?_

"Abby is handling this better than I thought she would. The Caf-Pow company went out of business three months ago and she's still working as diligently as before." Agent Tony DiNozzo was currently hogging the large plasma screen in the bull pen. He had finally managed, after about half an hour, to link the footage from the security cameras located in Abby's lab to the screen.

Everyone at NCIS had been keeping a close eye on Abby either out of concern for her well being or the money they had ridding on how long she would last. The news had all come as a shock to them. Caf-Pow the only surefire way to bribe Abby was going out of business. Too many scientific studies had shown a startling link between the highly caffeinated beverage and a cancer increase in lab mice. While this data had not worried the forensic scientist it had terrified the public and as was expected product sales had plummeted. Through the hard work of Abby, Gibb's team, Ducky along with Jimmy Palmer, and even Director Vance they had managed to acquire enough Caf-Pow to last Abby a month.

It was after Abby's supply had run out that everything had started. A small office pool was set up so the agents could bet on how long Abby Scuito could continue running without her precious Caf-Pow. Twice the pool had been broken up by an irate Gibbs, who was doing all he could to protect Abby still, and once by Agent Ziva David. The pool still existed but was now kept strictly on the down low to avoid incurring any wrath. As for the forensic scientist herself she was getting edgier all the time.

Three days ago she had bitten McGee's head off for entering her lab unannounced. Just yesterday Agents Gibbs, DiNozzo, and McGee were forced to pull Abby off an agent who had teased her about no longer being energizer Abby. The agent had been fired that day despite the broken arm he had incurred during his short bout with Abby. Needless to say everyone was walking on egg shells around her, and many were secretly keeping tabs on her to ensure her mental stability.

"We haven't had a case in a week and yet she is still typing away on her computer. If she was using the mouse more often then I'd think she was playing an online game, yet she hardly uses it. What on Earth could she be typing?" McGee's query went unanswered as he hijacked the remote from Tony trying in vain to rotate the camera enough to read over Abby's shoulder.

"Abby is a tough woman she has handled much worse situations. It shouldn't be a surprise to you that she can cope without that beverage. Remember she even managed to quit drinking it cold turkey for awhile. Besides she has dealt with being shot at, defended herself successfully three times from attackers, and has put up with Gibbs longer than three of us." Despite the confidence in Ziva's voice worry was still evident in her eyes as she sadly beheld their friend.

"Ziva like you I have all confidence in our Abigail, yet I think you are slightly underestimating her. While it is true that she stopped drinking Caf-Pow at one time it was entirely her choice. This time the decision was forced upon her. One's ability to quit a habit lies in their desire to quit, forcing the choice upon them merely compounds the situation since they feel more pressure and strain then they need. Many people take their habit back up simply because it comforts them when they need comfort. We all saw how in that one stressful case Abigail easily went back to her habit despite the fact she didn't need to." Ducky as usual was trying to be a voice of reason for the group. They all understood what he was saying, yet held onto hope that it would not be the case for Abby.

Gibbs continued to stand quietly behind his team. Lifting the Styrofoam cup to his lips Gibbs was surprised to find the coffee within had completely cooled. Looking over at the clock he was surprised to see that he had lost half an hour. Usually he could detach himself from his emotions better than this, but usually he didn't have to worry about the well being of his team. Walking over to his desk Gibbs threw the cold coffee into his waste basket before settling into his chair. Pulling up the internet Gibbs once again began the search that had consumed all his free time since the first announcement of Caf-Pow going under.

"One of us should go and check on Abby. See how she's doing, and find out whatever it is she's writing. Unless Probie here thinks he can manage to hack into her computer this time?" Tony turned to look at McGee over his shoulder. Mischief was evident in his eyes along with the grin on his face.

"Tony I already told you I can't hack into Abby's computer. She knows just as much about computers as I do, and she would spot the evidence right away. The only way we are going to see what is on that computer is by sneaking into the lab when she isn't in it." McGee was beginning to lose patience with Tony. Not even two hours ago he had explained all this to him; McGee had even cited the few attempts to hack into Abby's computer and had expressly told Tony that nobody had made it even halfway.

"So it is settled then. Someone is going to have to sneak into Abby's lab. As they say 'when the cats away the rats will play."

"Mice Ziva, the mice will play." Tony had to grin at the Israeli in spite of the glare she was sending his way. "So how should we decide who goes?"

**A half hour later**

"Subject is leaving the lab. Ok she's heading for the restroom Probie so you've got a few minutes." Even over the earpiece McGee was positive Tony was smirking at the situation.

The three agents had used Rock-Paper-Scissors to determine who would sneak into the lab while Abby was gone. Although McGee couldn't prove it he was certain Tony and Ziva had cheated. The odds of both of them throwing scissors to his paper on the first round were highly unlikely. The shit eating grins both were wearing hadn't helped their professed innocence.

Five years ago when McGee first became a field agent he would have laughed if anyone had told him he'd be using his skills to break into a friend's computer. Entering the lab McGee focused solely on Abby's computer ignoring everything else about the lab as he hurried over to it. "Ok Abby let's see what you've been writing for the last week." Pulling up the most recent documents McGee started reading them aloud, over the wireless microphone he wore, for Tony and Ziva.

"Everyone has been looking at me funny. I think they suspect something is going on. How can they be doing this to me, I'm their friend. Maybe they're all out to get me. Yeah, that's it. I bet this whole Caf-Pow thing was their idea. Pull a big practical joke on Abby just for kicks. But that would mean even Gibbs, Tony, Ziva, Ducky and McGee were in on it. Plus you did find the news articles backing up their claims. No it just doesn't make sense, how could Caf-Pow go under, I was their best costumer!" Finishing the first document McGee went on to the second one.

"No Caf-Pow and no caffeine makes Abby go crazy. No Caf-Pow and no caffeine makes Abby go crazy. No Caf-Pow and no caffeine makes Abby go crazy. No Caf-Pow and no caffeine makes Abby go crazy. _No Caf-Pow and no caffeine makes Abby go crazy. No Caf-Pow and no caffeine makes Abby go crazy._ No Caf-Pow and no caffeine makes Abby go crazy. No Caf-Pow and no caffeine makes Abby go crazy."

"That's all Abby has been writing for the last two days. Guys I think we have a serious problem on our hands. It seems Abby isn't doing as well as we thought." McGee was so focused on what he was doing he failed to hear the lab doors open behind him. Likewise he didn't hear Abby walking into the lab.

"McGee what are you doing in my lab?" With her arms crossed over her chest and a glare on her face Abby confronted McGee. While she had been out of the lab she had changed her clothes. Gone was the stylish gothic wear to be replaced with something one would see on a grieving widow at a funeral. A bouquet of black roses was held tightly in her left hand, while a small box was gripped tightly in the right.

"Actually Abby I came by to see how you were doing, and if you needed my help with anything. You know what with the lack of Caf-Pow and everything. Well anyway I can see that you probably want to be left alone, so I'll uh see you later. Bye!" Knowing he was babbling more than he should McGee started to make a hasty exit for the door. He had almost made it before Abby closed and locked it.

"I'm sorry McGee but I can't let you do that. Since you are already here, you can help me. I was going to hold a funeral for my dearly departed friend Caf-Pow, but with your help I won't need to do that." Moving past the stunned agent Abby went over to her desk laying down the flowers and a small coffin. "With your noble sacrifice I can resurrect Caf-Pow from the dead, and we shall never be parted again!" Turning around Abby had a crazy look in her eyes, and mad grin on her face and a sharpened knife in her hand.

"Abby don't do this! You are not thinking right!" McGee took off running, and realizing he had nowhere to go he started circling the lab with Abby in hot pursuit.

The chase lasted several minutes before the glass door was shattered and the rest of the team arrived. Acting quickly Ziva managed to tackle McGee down to the floor while Gibbs and Tony subdued Abby. Silence ensued and the only noise that could be heard was the funeral dirge playing on Abby's stereo.

"Man I would never have expected Abby to snap like that. It's a good thing we were watching the monitors Probie, or you would probably already be giving blood up for the cause."

"Don't remind me Tony. By the by…WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!!!"

"Geeze relax Probie. We didn't know anything was wrong until Abby started chasing you all serial killer style with that knife. Though with what footage we've got, we could make our own 'When scientists attack' video." Smiling Tony noticed the glares directed at him by Ziva and McGee. "What it has merit? Just think Gibbs could do the voice over, and Ziva could help with re-enactment. Oh and we could show…"

Thankfully Gibbs chose that moment to smack Tony particularly hard on the back of the head. "Tony if you ever so much as think about doing that. I will make sure you get a reserved seat on the next plane to Guantánamo Bay."

**Several Days Later**

"New studies have shown that the caffeinated beverage 'Caf-Pow' has been proven to cause temporary insanity in long time consumers. The FDA admits they…" The newscaster was cut off as the TV was turned off.

"Well that certainly explains what happened to poor Abigail. Thankfully she is doing much better now. She has finally stopped wanting McGee dead in order to resurrect her Caf-Pow."

"That's good news Duck."

"Yes, it would be, except now she wants to sacrifice us all to the great 'Caf-Pow God' as homage to his greatness."

"So Ducky how long until Abby is back to normal? We can't just keep her permanently handcuffed down in autopsy." Ziva's question brought a smile to the old doctor's face.

"Don't worry Ziva. The blood work shows that Abby should be fine in less than a week. Then she can get back to work."

**Please review and let me know what you think. As always: ideas, suggestions, and criticisms are welcome. Tune in next time for 'What if Abby was a secret agent?' Creation date 1/15/09**


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